Lost Rules of Etiquette

As a society, we've become a lot more casual. This is a partial list that Jeff sent me; he found it on a website. Check out this list of niceties that seems to be going by the wayside:
Opening The Door


In days gone by, a gentleman would always open doors for ladies. Whether it be the lady they were driving, or a stranger entering a building, it was always the done thing. This has now almost entirely vanished - and it is not entirely the fault of the men. I have seen women sneer at men for opening a door for them. They seem to be confusing manners with chauvinism.



Writing Thank-you Notes

In days gone by, whenever a person received a gift, they would write a thank-you as soon as possible. This rule was true even if the giver was a relative. Parents would sit children down after a birthday or Christmas and coach them in their first thank-you notes. It is a shame that gift giving has now become a virtual obligation and the idea of a thank-you note would be scoffed at. Children need to learn to write thank you notes - they will have a greater appreciation of gifts they receive.

Arriving on Time


In the olden days it was rude to arrive late. There was no such thing as being “fashionably late”. Lateness was rudeness - always. In most houses, if you were invited to dinner and turned up 15 minutes late, you would end up eating alone in the kitchen surrounded by the household staff, only to be allowed to join the party when the polite guests (who arrived on time) had finished and were retiring for the evening’s entertainment.

Dinner

People used to dress for dinner - and they would all eat together at the table. Dressing for dinner emphasized the importance of family and healthy food. It is no wonder that now that we scoff food down in front of TV and all eat at different times, that we are becoming fatter as a race. This is one area where I try particularly hard to follow the rules. I strongly recommend sitting with your family every night at the dinner table; it is a good way to build up a good family spirit.

Parental Unity

There is a brilliant and funny quote relating to parental unity. Let’s start with the quote from “Everyday Manners” by Emily Post:
Parents must never disagree before the children. It simply can’t be! Nor can there be an appeal to one parent against the other by a child.“Father told me to jump down the well!”“Then you must do it, dear,” is the mother’s only possible comment. When the child has “jumped down the well,” she may pull him out promptly, and she may in private tell her husband what she thinks about his issuing such orders and stand her own ground against them; but so long as parents are living under the same roof, that roof must shelter unity of opinion, so far as any witnesses are concerned.
That is how a strong a rule it was! I bet you won’t find any parents today who agree strongly with this one.


Money Talk

This is another large topic. Let’s give a quick rundown: A gentleman would have never:
1. Borrowed money from a lady

2. Borrowed money from a man without security and the intention to pay it back as quickly as possible

3. Discussed money

4. Discussed his possessions or their cost

5. Name dropped: “When I was dining with Mr Rich…”, “I am great friends with Miss Gottabuck”

On the other hand, he would have assumed the debts of a deceased family member as it was a debt of honor. How far we have come! Money and the pursuit of wealth has become so obvious these days that a whole new term has been coined because of it: conspicuous consumption. There was once a day that we did not try to keep up with the Joneses - because we didn’t know what the Joneses had and no one knew what we had.

I miss the old days!