Up on my soapbox

This is a piggyback from Katie's post a few days ago after I read her blog as well as all of the comments that were made. It will probably sound like a cross between a Relief Society Lesson and a College paper. It has been on my mind a lot and I have formed these thoughts over and over as I have driven to work these past few days in regards to family and gender roles within the family.

First, gender roles in the family are more ambiguous than they have been in times past. I saw this trend beginning in the 1980's the first time I was working with Young Women and was surprised by their comments in regard to husband/wife responsibilities in the home. The girls would often say something like, "when I'm married, my husband better blah, blah, blah," or "I will never do blah, blah, blah for my husband." How have those thoughts played out 20 years later? Which direction will the family go if these current trends continue? There has been a controversy for many years in the field of human development about nurture vs. nature. Although many of us were raised one way (nurture), are the trends of society more influential (nature) in our lives now?

Because a prophet is also a seer (see-er) he knew of the direction the world and specifically families were going and in 1995 presented to the church The Family: A Proclamation to the World. In that proclamation (which Elder Packer recently told us was rare, sacred, and revelatory) the roles of men and women were clearly outlined. The husband, it teaches us, is responsible for the provisions of the necessities of life as well as protection to the family. A mother's responsibility is primarily for the nurture of the children. When I was 12 years old, my mother died. Her death when we were all still young children left not only a physical void in our lives but also an emotional void that my father simply did not know how to provide for us. It wasn't that he didn't love his children but a father's love and nurturing is very different from that of a mother. The gender roles outlined in the proclamation are purposeful.

In addition, the prophet has told us (particularly women) many times to get as much education as we can. To some, that may seem like a conflict...are we supposed to raise our children or get an education and work? Can a person get an education but never work? Absolutely! Education is never wasted and our theology teaches us that that is one of the things we can take with us. Beyond that, we never know what the future holds for us in terms of disease, disabilities, death, and even divorce, and there may be a time when we need to use the education we have. We are being encouraged to be prepared for whatever may arise.

I have also noticed another disturbing trend in our society and that is the fact that men are beginning to be more and more undermined. If you don't think this is so, look at the role men play in the few family-style television shows that are still around (the fact that there are very few families on television is another trend that could be discussed another time). The men are made to look stupid and pitiful (Everyone Loves Raymond, George Lopez are the ones that come to mind right off). How will (does) this trend play out in our own lives?

Things have come a long way since the 1950's. Take a look at the old I Love Lucy t.v shows. If that was a real representation of family life, a husband came home from work, put his feet up and read the paper while his wife made him comfortable and waited on him for the rest of the evening. We certainly don't need to go back to that lifestyle, but what is wrong with making a welcoming inviting environment for them to come home to and a happy family dinner together? As women, we need to make sure we're not turning the tables and expecting our husbands to do the things that we could and probably should easily take on as our responsibilities because we're home during the day.

I, like all of you, have strong feelings about the sanctity of the family. Each family of course must determine the way that they function best, turning to the Lord for direction. It is my strong belief that the strength of the society finds it's roots in the strength of the family.